Christopher K: National Poetry Month Part 4

April is National Poetry Month! Project Sleep is proud to highlight poets and poetry from our community throughout the month of April. Curated by Ana Lara.

Meet the Poet:

“My name is Christopher and I was diagnosed with type 2 narcolepsy a year into my university degree. I was depressed, and so tired all the time I knew it wasn’t normal, but all my doctors just said it was depression. No one ever thought to give me a sleep study, until I asked for one. I thought I had sleep apnea, but found out I had narcolepsy. It was a surprise to everyone, including me. All those years growing up, where I had just thought I was lazy, made sense. I was given stimulants for the next couple of years, but they only half-worked or I built a tolerance to them. I was still severely disabled because of my narcolepsy, and couldn’t keep up with school. Last year I finally asked to be referred to a doctor who could prescribe me a nighttime medication, and I did another sleep study to confirm my narcolepsy. This time they said I had type 1, as cataplexy was not explained correctly to me the first time, and things started to make more sense again. Right now I am still going to school, but I am waiting for coverage to take the nighttime medication, and hopefully that will improve my quality of life.

Cansado

Estoy muy cansado
Yo veo otros estudiantes
Estudian para sus clases
Son trabajadores
Mientras yo duermo en la cama
Tengo miedo
De vivir
Yo no quiero ser así
Pero
Este es cómo es
Estoy muy cansado:
…Cansado de estudiar
…Cansado de despertar cada día
…Cansado de vivir
…Cansado de hablar de esto
Quisiera:
…Estudiar
…Trabajar
…Vivir
…Hablar como si nada estuviera mal
Pero estoy cansado
Nunca termina
Yo nunca descanso
Porque yo no aprendo
Cómo vivir.

About the Poem:

My Spanish is limited, but I created this poem when I was feeling very down about my narcolepsy and school.

In English: Tired

I am very tired
I see other students
Study for their classes
They are hard-working
While I sleep in my bed
I’m scared
To live
I don’t want to be like this
But This is how it is
I am very tired:
Tired of studying
Tired of waking up every day
Tired of living
Tired of talking about this
I’d like:
To study
To work
To talk like nothing is wrong
But I am tired
It never ends
I never rest
Because I didn’t learn
How to live.

Narcolepsy

When you have narcolepsy
And you are tired
People think it’s a normal kind of tired.
It’s not.
It’s a rotting tired.
A decaying tired.
It’s so tired it’s painful.
And no amount of sleep can fix it.

Follow Christopher’s art account on Instagram at @strayd0gsart and recovery account at @straydogsrecovery. Thank you, Christopher for sharing your work. Stay tuned – more poems from this incredibly creative community coming soon!

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2 Comments. Leave new

  • Yes, a rotting tired! Your insides feel like a rusty soup can. You have a “way with words”, and you are NOT alone. You are NOW among friends! WELCOME, Christopher! Don’t worry! Creative people seem to do their finest work on their lousiest days!

    Reply
  • Susan Hart-Jackson
    April 17, 2021 5:29 am

    There are so many illnesses that are just not understood and I think this must be a very difficult to live with for the patient and their families. We need more help and research

    Reply

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